i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
