I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
