When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
