We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
