I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
