she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
