Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
