There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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