Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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