So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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