you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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