I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
