i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
