It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
