You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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