Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
