Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
