I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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