My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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