peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
