WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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