I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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