you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
