Do you still have your period?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Found the puke drawer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
