The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
