your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
