Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
