Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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