so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
