so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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