beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
