I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
