i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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