Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
