I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
