I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
