Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
