The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
