ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
