does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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