I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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