I seem to have left my pride at pride
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
