Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
