I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
