I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im holly from the hills drunk
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
