Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
