Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
