I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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