when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
