I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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