watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
that's an acceptable place to lick
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
