Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
