i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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