WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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