omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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