I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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