Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
