Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
