Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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