Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
