The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
