My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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