need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
