Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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