my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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