I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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