my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
