I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
