My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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