She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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