The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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